Oratorial genius

It is no secret that I despise George Bush and everything he stands for and has done, but I could never voice my distaste in such an eloquent and masterful way as Keith Olbermann. Olbermann is a commentator on MSNBC’s Countdown. Thanks to Dr. Dawg I have witnessed one of the greatest speeches of my time. And I only hope that Mr. Olbermann’s call for Bush & Cheney to resign resonates throughout America so the American people can get back to being the stewards of democracy they once were. Check it out. You’ll be happy you did.

The great debate

As I sauntered into work 2 minutes late for the 1000th time yesterday, I pondered the reasons why this is such a common occurrence. Of course, being as my child barely sleeps (see my next entry), I savor every last minute of rest I can get. Therefore I frequently wake up JUST in time to get to work. This is where the debate emerges. When I sleep in, beyond the necessary minutiae of a morning routine there are two crucial tasks that must be completed: showering and eating. The crux of the question is, if you wake up so late that you have time to only do ONE of these things, which will you choose? I was decidedly outnumbered amongst my colleagues. You see, I love food, and I also consider breakfast to be an unmissable meal. Therefore, my thinking goes as such: as long as I showered the day before, I would rather eat breakfast than shower. Maybe it sounds disgusting to you, but I think a healthy, consistent diet, centered around a nutritious breakfast is worth having a bad hair day once in a while. Weigh in on the debate if you so wish!

A pill for every ill?

In honor of the series on happiness published in the Globe and Mail Focus section last weekend, I thought I’d report on the pharmacy world’s answer to the eternal question: can money buy happiness? Well, if money can buy erections where they may not otherwise exist, certainly it must be able to buy happiness. The problem is the multifaceted nature of happiness. There is not a strict receptor in the brain for happiness. However, for those of you struggling to find more happiness in your life, I present to you a new solution: Jovialis (sapiennate hydrochloride).

In order to make this more understandable for the average layperson, I shall explain this in a format similar to that used by the USPDI Advice for the Patient, a popular reference for patient-focussed drug information.

Sapiennate hydrochloride (sah-PEE-enn-ate)

Commonly used brand names: Jovialis

Available dosage forms: The only available dosage form for Jovialis is a continuous intravenous infusion. This is due to the unpredictable fluctuations of human emotions.

Uses for this medicine: Generally, this medication is prescribed for those lacking happiness in their life. Beyond happiness, the medication can be prescribed for those lacking purpose or those hopelessly addicted to their jobs or lacking work-life balance.

Before using this medicine: Tests will be run on patients prior to beginning the medication. This ensures that the common side effects of this medication will have limited impact. Patients must be in a stable relationship, have stable living arrangements, and be prepared to be on the medication long-term. An ability to operate on minimal sleep is also an asset. Even if approved for use, there is a minimum 9-month waiting period between approval for use and starting the first infusion pump.

Proper use of this medicine: The patient will be setup with a continuous intravenous infusion. The medication is infused 24 hours, seven days a week, 363 days a year, for 18-25 years. The only days on which the infusion pump is stopped is Mother’s/Father’s Day and the patient’s birthday. On these days the pump is cleaned and recharged by the patient’s spouse or caregiver. The pump runs on a biological feedback loop measuring the levels of mood hormones and adjusting the dose accordingly. Doses are usually much higher during the day, with the pump often powering down at night leading to significant declines in mood.

Side effects of this medicine: While the benefits of this medication are substantial, it also carries with it significant and sometimes burdensome side effects. Prior to beginning the medication a thorough discussion of risks and benefits should be undertaken between the patient and their significant other. Common side effects include fatigue, insomnia, lack of concentration, strained relationships, bursts of anger and frustration, loss of libido, decreased sexual activity, frequent night wakings, stained clothing, decreased threshold for disgust, and sudden interest in previously irritating television shows and music.

Benefits of this medicine: Benefits include happiness, fulfillment, personal satisfaction, emotional growth, work-life balance, frequent uncontrollable laughter, tears of joy, pride, improved social connections, an unexplainable, undefinable, warm fuzzy feeling, and meaning in life.

Cost: The cost is estimated at $200 000 for each infusion pump for the full 18-25 year dose. The number of infusion pumps each patient receives depends on the level of happiness they wish to achieve. However, there is a minimum 12-month waiting period between starting infusion pumps.

Now, you may be asking “Where do I get this wonder-drug?”. If you haven’t figured it out yet, you’ve either never been on it or are not currently in the 9-month waiting period.

Bogotan bliss

I read a brilliant article in last Saturday’s Globe and Mail. It discusses the brilliant urban planning recently undertaken in Bogota, Colombia. Although the thinking was highly unconventional it produced astounding results and something approaching social harmony. I really recommend reading it. Check out Bogota’s Urban Happiness Movement here.

We agree!

Finally, something on which Richard Dawkins and I can agree. The following is a quote from an interview Mr. Dawkins did with John Allemang of the Globe and Mail. The topic was Stockwell Day, Canada’s Public Safety Minister.

“He’s clearly a complete idiot-or ignorant, anyway. Ignorance by itself is no crime, but ignorance in a cabinet minister is….I can’t help feeling that you should not trust the decision-making ability of a man whose view of the world is so wrongheaded.”

Amen to that.

Perching atop hyacinth

I once watched an enjoyable documentary known as Darwin’s Nightmare. My memories of this film came back into focus today as I read last Saturday’s Globe and Mail (as a father and full-time pharmacist I read one issue of the G&M per week, always the Saturday edition, and I am usually finished it by the following Friday). According to the excellent article Disaster Lurking in the Weeds, by Sara Minogue, Lake Victoria in Africa is in the midst of another ecological crisis caused by the water hyacinth, considered by botanists everywhere to be one of the most invasive species known to man (apart from the purple loosestrife growing in my garden). This water hyacinth basically blankets the surface of the lake, choking off sun to underlying waters, hiding ferocious reptiles (which then feast on the unsuspecting locals) and generally disturbing the fragile ecosystem that is Africa’s largest lake. Where does Darwin’s Nightmare come into the picture? The movie portrays the fatal consequences of a scientific experiment gone horribly wrong. Nile Perch were introduced in 1954 to improve commercial fish production in the lake. What happened next could only have been predicted by those to whom governments do not listen. The Nile Perch completely took over the lake, scavenging everything in its path, and inexorably altering the life cycle of the lake and its surrounding human settlements. However, since the Nile Perch thrived so well in Lake Victoria, one would assume that the communities surrounding it should have thrived also. And they would have if another invasive species had not entered the picture: the wealthy Western world. You see, Nile Perch fetches a handsome sum in Europe. And by the twisted mechanisms of globalized economics, those selling these fish are not locals, but Europeans. The ones doing all the grunt work are underpaid locals, but the ones bringing in the dough are foreigners. Furthermore, the harvesting of Nile Perch is so aggressive and the processing of their meat so thorough, that only the slimmest pickings are left behind. That is what the locals eat. So you see, in order to satiate the obese Europeans and North Americans on the succulent meat of the Nile Perch, European corporations ship it from thousands of miles away, prying it out of the hands of the impoverished locals, who, if not for the completely psychotic arrangement, would be wealthy and plump. There is a scene in the movie where images of Europeans dining on the fish in fancy restaurants are juxtaposed with images of locals picking through the fish carcasses for something resembling food. The most disturbing statistic uttered in the narrative was that the shipments leaving Lake Victoria for Europe will feed upwards of 2 million people. That is precisely the number of people along the shores of Lake Victoria currently suffering from life-threatening famine. Oh, and the planes these companies use to ship out the fish? They are Eastern European operations that bring weapons to Lake Victoria to support the local militias fighting the civil and tribal wars causing so much bloodshed. The militias get the guns and the nice pilots get the fish. And all the while, the Europeans just get fat. Of course, no obliteration of a populations livelihood would be complete without a little bit of global warming induced mayhem. You see, the resurgence of the water hyacinth referred to above is thought to be a direct consequence of global warming. The pain in the ass about global warming is that the ones who caused the problem, namely North Americans and Western Europeans, are those most able to deal with the consequences, but who are doing absolutely nothing about it. The ones suffering most, and those who will continue to suffer most, are the poor and destitute in the world who are almost blameless in the whole mess. Its like giving Africans the climatic middle finger. Some fat North American sits down at a disgusting fast food chain in Anywhere, USA and devours a burger that only resembles beef in appearance and likely originated some 3000 miles away. The tractor trailer used to ship the beef across the continent spews fuel for the global furnace. The kindling is provided by Mr. America’s Hummer and pseudo-mansion that is three times larger than his family requires. And through a complex system of global thermodynamics, the collective contributions of all these grotesquely prosperous individuals ends up blanketing the surface of Lake Victoria with water hyacinth. So because some guy in North America just can’t pass on those few extra horses to impress the girls as he cruises down Main St, some poor sucker in Tanzania gets devoured by a crocodile he couldn’t see lurking beneath a fortress of water hyacinth. Hopefully through some twist of fate this problem will come back to haunt the rich Western world (of which I am a part). Maybe the water hyacinth will start to kill off the Nile Perch and Random European will have to forgo his favorite dish at the local restaurant. Of course, giving up your favorite food and dying from hunger are two very different things.

A tear of joy

My son will be 10 months old on Monday. I cannot believe how fast he is growing up. Pardon me if I find it confusing and almost offensive when men start a family and then spend the ensuing years neglecting their children so that they can work. Or take the example of a gentleman I know. He is so obsessed with exercising, maintaining his lawn, and washing and sweeping his driveway, that his wife had to buy him an ATV so he will go camping more often because that is the only way she can get him to spend time with the family. It is not torture people. Besides, if you don’t want to put time into raising your children, keep your jeans zipped up. As for myself, I recently experienced the most gratifying experience of parenthood yet. While my wife, henceforth known as Sexy Mama, was off buying groceries I was looking after my little guy. Since he is now so mobile (a fact that has drawn attention to how out of shape I am) there are numerous head-bonking incidents. While this is a small price to pay for the victories he achieves in his explorations of his ever-expanding universe, it still breaks my heart every time. But I have never felt more powerful, more loved, more needed, and more fulfilled than when I picked him up after a particularly traumatizing bonk and wiped away the tears under his eye. To think that in an instant I can evanesce all of his sadness and pain with the comfort of my firm cuddle, the anxiolysis of my soft words, and the reassurance of my gentle wiping touch, is the greatest feeling I have ever had. And it is so wonderful to know that through his numerous adventures and explorations as he grows, I will be able to do this time and again as he inevitably experiences pain along the way. While I do not wish pain upon him, it will occur, and knowing that my devotion to my family will have me by his side when it does, is something I look forward to more than any other aspiration I have thus far entertained.