Got gas?

I read an interesting article forwarded to me by my blog-happy sister. You can read it here, which I would suggest or the following will make no sense. I find a few things interesting about this article. First of all, Americans should not complain. They are paying $4 a US gallon, which works out to $1.05/L, less than I am currently paying ($1.18/L). In fact, one of the reasons American energy & environmental policy has lagged so far behind the rest of the world is the absurdly cheap cost of energy in America. There is literally no financial incentive to be green in the United States. The subsidies handed out to the oil and gas industry keep the prices artificially low. Furthermore, they pay almost no tax. 18% of the price of gas?! HA! We’ve got you beat Uncle Sam. Taxes make up roughly 35% of the cost of Canadian petroleum. Second, Americans have only themselves to blame for the increasing cost of fuel. As supply diminishes in any commodity, the price will always rise. The production peak of oil occurred in the US in the 1970s and so ever since, demand has steadily overtaken supply. The remainder of the worlds oil is in the confines of shaky nations run by autocratic or theocratic governments. They are also conjoined through OPEC, so at the flick of a switch they could cut off supply to the rest of the world. However, they usually play nice, except when the US develops bogus foreign policy like the war on terrorism, trade embargoes against Cuba (a supplier of highly-trained physicians to Venezuela in exchange for oil; see below), and hate-filled slandering of Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez (Venezuela has one of the world’s largest oil reserves). Third, numerous independently funded studies have failed to prove that oil companies collude to keep prices high. In fact, quite the opposite is true. Governments have kept prices artificially low, and have only compounded the problem, as people then use energy recklessly, thereby further diminishing supply, and therefore, further raising the price of oil. The average gasoline price in Western Europe is currently over $6 per gallon, or roughly $1.60 a litre. Why do you think they all drive around in tiny little cars and mopeds? Why do you think they have walkable cities and mass public transit? Make sense? Americans can bitch all they want about the high price of gasoline, but little do they know they have it pretty damn sweet. (Qualifier: When I say “Americans” I refer not to the American people as a whole, but to those running the country.)

Metal gardener

Last night I was a walking paradox. Here was a man in his “Mr. Cool” T-shirt and second-hand snap pants, using cheap gardening tools and his wife’s gardening gloves, pulling weeds from his lawn and garden, while listening to death metal on his iPod. Out in the serenity of Mother Nature, all by my lonesome, plucking earthworms gently from the soil to save them from my garden spade-induced swath of destruction, while simultaneously enjoying a cornucopia of death metal. I was ripping some fairly pathetic perennials out of my garden as they were contributing nothing but living space for snails. I also trimmed back some dead leaders on my other plants as they were sapping precious nutrients from the other branches that were actually producing something useful, namely, foliage. Who wants to spend their hard-earned money on worm poop and city water just to have it used up by zombie branches? Finally, I tackled the dandelions. Dandelions really piss me off. Anyone who ever does them the honor of making a salad out of them is kicking every weed-pulling fool like myself square in the nuts. I have slaved over my little herb garden to grow actual edible plants, only to watch them die before my eyes. Yet these plants that I did not even plant thrive and spread despite my best efforts. Screw you dandelion. See, that is where the metal comes in. I need the incessant thrashing of DevilDriver, Killswitch Engage, Unearth, Trivium, Becoming the Archetype, August Burns Red, Chimaira, et al. to muster the aggression and strength I need to eradicate the herbaceous scourge of Taraxacum officinale, the common dandelion. I worked up more of a sweat in those 3 hours I spent in my yard pulling weeds and mowing then I have in numerous manufactured workouts. No wonder our society is so fat. We don’t get on our knees and get dirty often enough. We just pay the Weed Man to take care of it. Man did it feel good. Rhythmic death metal. Destroying and creating life at the same time. Learning about the organism that is my yard. Awesome. If you want a killer website about gardening techniques more in line with nature, check out EarthEasy. Everything from how to attract beneficial insects to your yard to kill unwanted pests (who would have ever thought a species known as parasitic wasps could at the same time be considered beneficial?) to how to use corn gluten to kill weeds while rejuvenating your lawn. Who would have thunk it? Speaking of corn, if you find yourself in a bookstore, pick up Omnivore’s Dilemma, by Michael Pollan. If you don’t want to buy it (although I am not endorsing this), just read the first 25 pages. Apparently, North Americans are very corny. Literally. We are full of corn. Everything we consume apparently contains corn in one form or another. No joke. But I digress (I do that a lot, don’t I?) Conclusion: There is no better way to unwind, get your aggression out, enjoy nature, and get a great workout, all at the same time, than gardening while pumping some thrash metal. Try it out!

Assault on reason

I just read a fantastic excerpt from Al Gore’s new book, Assault on Reason. It was published in the Globe and Mail. First of all, I must admit I was a tad dumbfounded by his opening statement in which he seemingly states that Christopher Columbus was American. I don’t think you can be considered the discoverer of a nation in which you were born, making this statement itself an Assault on Reason. For the record, although his exact place of birth is debatable, Christopher Columbus was Italian, AKA Cristoforo Colombo. While we are on the topic, John Cabot is not Canadian, nor he is Jean Cabot, a Frenchman. He is Giovanni Caboto, an Italian. And since we are discussing men whose reputations have been sullied by times passing, let us not forget the namesake of the American continent. Ever wonder why North, South, and Central America were not called Columbia, or Columbus? Mostly because when they were named, Columbus was already dead. Not only can dead men tell no tales, they cannot protest indignation neither. No, the name America comes from the Latin form of the name Amerigo, the first name of explorer and cartographer Amerigo Vespucci, a man instrumental in exploring this great continent. Caveat: much of the above is only accepted theory, not proven fact. But I digress.

Anywho, what I meant to say was how impressed I was by the intellectual clarity and cognitive maturity demonstrated by Gore’s writing. My gosh, if this man had been president in 2001, we would not be in the undesirable situation in which we currently find ourselves. Let us compare quotes from the 2 candidates in the 2000 presidential election.

Gore (from his book): If you look at…almost every conflict zone in the world-you will find an element of amygdala politics based on vicarious traumatization, feeding off memories of past tragedies.

Bush: “Because of your work, children who once wanted to die are now preparing to live.”—speaking at the White House summit on malaria, Dec. 14, 2006. (Source)

Gore: (From his book) Terrorism relies on the stimulation of fear for political ends. Indeed, its specific goal is to distort the political reality of a nation by creating fear in the general population that is hugely disproportionate to the actual danger that the terrorists are capable of posing.

Bush: Rarely is the questioned asked:Is our children learning? [sic] (Source)

Most importantly, I now have another book to add to my ever-expanding Amazon wishlist. If you need a suggestion for yours, check out What Might Have Been, a counterfactual telling of 12 historical what-ifs. My favorite chapter is the one in which Al Gore wins the 2000 election, which he would have if the American presidential electoral system made any sense. Mr. Gore is taking a very reasoned and calm approach to the attacks of 9/11, an approach that results in none of the ensuing chaos characterized by the Bush era. The best part though is when Mr. Gore and his advisers are sitting around after a meeting, thinking to themselves, “Can you imagine if that idiot Bush would have won? He would have made a complete mess of this.” How true.

Waterworld

Further to my worm poop post, I thought I would quickly comment on the wasteful use of water in Timmins. First of all, Timmins city council is to blame for providing water to citizens at a flat rate regardless of use. However, just because you are paying for it, does not mean you need to get your money’s worth. Water is a precious natural resource and should be conserved as best as possible. Timmins residents obviously do not understand this. My neighbors water the road more often than I water my lawn. They wash their driveway with their garden hose instead of using a push broom. They put the water on in the heat of the day and leave it on much longer than necessary. Just for your information, all you need is 1 inch of water on your lawn and garden PER WEEK! At the rate of water flow coming from my garden hose, I can get that in one hour. That’s right. One hour of watering per week. Besides, by watering less versus more, you force your plants to dig their roots deep, creating strong, vibrant, and hardy plants. If you water too much, the root structure remains close to the surface, and plants do not do as well. I tell ya, if everyone used as much water as my neighbor, we’d run out pretty darn quick.

Poop on my lawn

I took a dump on my lawn today. I took another one in my garden. Actually, I should give credit where credit is due. Millions of worms took a dump on my lawn and garden today. Allow me to explain. After reading the insanely interesting EcoOptions spring edition magazine from Home Depot I became determined to acquire TerraCycle Worm Poop. Basically, this small company started by 2 Princeton graduates gets millions of worms to poop and then liquefies their poop into organic liquid fertilizer for lawns and gardens. It is mixed with a small amount of natural fertilizer and tea compost. It is stored in recycled pop bottles that have a hose cap on it so you can just spray it on your lawn. So I finally bought some today and I am very impressed. Very easy to use and fairly affordable. Enough fertilizer to give me 8 weeks worth of applications (once every 2 weeks) only cost $20. Furthermore, it gives me the warm fuzzy feeling of being environmentally friendly. And apparently, in studies done at the Rutgers University test garden, it actually outperformed some chemical fertilizers. Unfortunately, Scotts, the makers of Miracle-Gro, a multi-million dollar corporation, is now suing the makers of WormPoop for making their product look too similar to MiracleGro. What a bunch of asses. Oh well. Hopefully it gets nowhere. I’ll keep you up to date on the success I get with this product. Goodness knows I need all the help I can get in the garden.

Jack Lost his oxycodone

I felt a comment on last night’s Lost season finale was necessary. First of all, it was brilliant. Second of all, I was so happy to see a depiction of pharmacy on television. Not only that, the depiction was actually quite true to form. The incident to which I refer is of course Jack’s now infamous downward spiral into drug addiction. I will spare you any show spoilers, but essentially Jack gets addicted to oxycodone (probably Oxycontin, but they couldn’t use a trademark on TV without paying for it). Along with his alcoholism, this puts Jack in a state of complete shambles. In order to gain access to oxy he steals from the hospital narcotics cupboards. He also presents to the pharmacy with a story very familiar to me. He wants his pills refilled, upon which the dutiful pharmacist informs him that he has no refills remaining. He asserts that this was quite impossible and that they must have made a mistake. When the pharmacist insists no mistake was made, he presents a prescription from a Dr. Sheppard (his name) who he insists is not himself, but another Dr. Sheppard. The pharmacist tells him that she will have to call Dr. Sheppard’s office to confirm the authenticity of the prescription, at which point Jack says ‘Don’t bother’, throws a big hissy, and walks out. Now, you might say to yourself, “That would never happen in real life.” But boy does it! It happens so often I feel more like narcotic police than a healthcare professional. I’ve heard them all. I dropped them down my sink (never happens with blood pressure pills). The bottle says 60 but you only gave me 30. My house was broken into and they were stolen. The airline lost them in my luggage. I left them in a faraway place. I’m going on vacation so I need them refilled early, etc. etc. I’ve also seen forged prescriptions and double-doctoring (a federal offence whereby a patient gets a prescription written by one doctor and fills it at one pharmacy and then does the same with a different doctor and a different pharmacy, usually on the same day.) A colleague of mine was held up at gunpoint for narcotics. My methadone patients have told me so many stories. They stole prescription pads. They would pay $100 a day to get their fix from Oxycontin diverted onto the street. There is even a pharmacist being investigated nearby where I work for giving narcotics to patients in exchange for sex. I have approximately 65 patients on methadone because of an opioid addiction, most commonly to Oxycontin that they first took for pain as prescribed by a physician. They were rarely warned of the powerful addictive potential of this medication. Police officers, parents, workers, unemployed, young, old, white, Aboriginal (contrary to popular assumptions, a very small percentage of my patients). All of these people have been drastically affected by this medication and the lifestyle associated with addiction. Thankfully, we have methadone, an incredibly effective medication, which while difficult to deal with, is also extremely rewarding. Also quite thankfully, Purdue Pharma, the makers of Oxycontin, were recently hit with a $645 million (US) penalty for “misleading the public about the drug’s risk of addiction” (Globe and Mail, May 11, 2007). While this drug is extremely useful for pain, it needs to be used with caution. And if companies have so little ethical concern that they recklessly treat it like a commodity, purposely misleading the public and prescribers about its risks and benefits, than they deserve much more than a hefty fine. I hope this is the start of a new era of accountability in Big Pharma. I hope that the public begins to hold them as responsible for their actions and the consequences of those actions as they have for Big Tobacco. And I hope that one day, pharmaceuticals will be seen as chemicals with risks and benefits, to be taken seriously and prescribed with regards to best practices based on expert opinion and clinical research. Every time a physician prescribes a drug solely based on a flashy marketing presentation, a little part of me dies inside. And a little part of society suffers needlessly.

Marriage advice

So, apparently my blog is a prime source of marriage advice. I am utterly fascinated by the keyword searches people have used that brought them to my blog. I also feel somewhat guilty at the sheer disappointment they must have experienced when arriving here. Case in point. Some poor soul typed “why doesn’t my wife touch me anymore” into Google, and my Happy Daddy blog was the third hit that resulted. Another gentleman typed “what to do when your wife won’t pay attention”. My Happy Daddy blog made the top 10. Unfortunately for them, this blog offered no advice beyond the sarcastic. Sorry gentlemen. If I had the answers to these questions, I would be so wealthy I could afford that wine trip to the Loire Valley I’ve been drooling over. Heck, I could pay for my whole family and most of the people that read this blog.

Ideas from across the pond

It seems I have been misplaced geographically. I live in a nation obsessed with ice hockey,a sport for which I have no particular affinity. I am a most avid fan of two sports somewhat foreign to North Americans, association football (soccer, a term which originates from a bastardized form of the word association) and rugby football. Funny enough, I extremely dislike American football. I digress. The only time of the year that I have any interest in hockey is playoff time. And this is where my story begins. At the beginning of every Stanley Cup run I analyze the stats from the regular season and, due to my entire lack of sporting intuition, I attempt to develop some sort of statistical algorithm that will allow me to predict the outcome of each series. I have been heretofore unsuccessful. This year, however, I am now 11 for 13, an 85% success rate. Not bad for a stats nerd. Anywho, given this newfound confidence in my sports knowledge, I feel entitled to provide the NHL with some tips for improvement based on ideas I have taken from my two favorite sports, rugby and soccer.

1. Relegation and Promotion

This system is in place in most major rugby and soccer competitions in Europe and elsewhere. Essentially, there are multiple levels of competition within each league. So, for example, in English soccer, there is the English Premier League, the top level of football in England. Below that is the League Championship. Every year, at the end of the competition, the three bottom placed teams in the EPL are relegated to the League Championship. The top 3 teams from the Championship are promoted to the EPL. This continues year after year. So, whereas in the NHL placing dead last has some benefits (top draft pick), placing in the lower ranks of these leagues means being relegated to a less prestigious competition that leads to lower TV ratings, lower fan turnouts, and inability to compete in the major continental competitions. If that sort of financial and emotional punishment were a risk in the NHL, the competition would improve. Maybe you could have the AHL be the lower tier league, or any member of the CHL (WHL, OHL, QMJHL). Now that would be interesting.

2. Bonus Points

This system is in place in the Super 14 rugby union competition between clubs in South Africa, New Zealand, and Australia. Essentially, the way it would work in the NHL is if teams scored more than, say, 4 goals, they would obtain 1 bonus point that would count toward their point total in the league table. You could also award a bonus point for a shutout, thus equally rewarding stellar defense AND stellar offense. Also, if the league wanted to crack down on penalties, they could award bonus points for a certain threshold of penalty minutes, etc., etc.

3. McIntyre Playoff System

This is in place in the National Rugby League in Australia that creates the NRL Grand Final, one of the most highly attended sporting events in the world. It creates fierce competition in the elimination playoffs while rewarding the hard work done over the long season, something that is often missing in the NHL. A team can work hard over 82 games to achieve top-standing in the conference, only to be wiped out in the first round. Here is how it would work, using the example of the current years standings from the Western Conference:

Round 1: Detroit vs. Calgary, Anaheim v. Minnesota, Vancouver v. Dallas, Nashville v. San Jose

As we all know, Detroit, Anaheim, Vancouver, & San Jose all went through. However, shouldn’t Nashville & Dallas’s hard work pay off at all? In the McIntyre system the next round would look as such.

Round 2: San Jose v. Dallas, Vancouver v. Nashville; Detroit and Anaheim get a by to the next round because they placed so high during the regular season, and Dallas and Nashville get a second chance because of their highest ranking among losing teams from the first round.

Round 3: Anaheim v. Winner of Van/Nash (probably NSH) and Detroit v. winner of San Jose/Dallas, probably San Jose.

Round 4: likely Anaheim/Detroit but, still, at least there was some more excitement.

Now, this system would add one extra round in the playoffs, but you could solve this by making the first round best of 5 instead of best of 7. Hockey drags on too long anyways.

4. Club Competitions

This is genius. In European rugby, for example, there are numerous union competitions. There is the Celtic League, known as the Magners League, competed by clubs in Scotland, Ireland, and Wales. The Guinness Premiership is in England, the Top 14 in France, and the Super 10 in Italy. Yeah you can win the Premiership and think you’re all that but how do you know if you could beat the top team in the Top 14? Along comes the Heineken Cup. Top placed teams from each season go on the next season to compete in the Heineken Cup, a competition that goes on alongside their other league games. So, theoretically, your team could win the Premiership one year and be the best team in England, and also win the Heineken Cup that year and be the best team in Europe. How would that feel? Why not have the boys in the NHL compete against club teams from Sweden, Norway, Czech Republic, etc.? Yeah, the Canadian men can beat the pants off any other team but can the Ottawa Senators (made up of players of multiple nationalities) defeat the Metallurg Magnitogorsk, the top ranked team in the Russian Super League, the second ranked professional hockey league in the world? Put your cards on the table and test your mettle.

Now, why should the NHL take seriously ideas from some non-North American sports like rugby and soccer? Well, they may not be popular in North America, but that is pretty much the only place. As we all know, the FIFA World Cup of soccer is the most watched sporting competition in the world. 26 billion people watched the 2006 version in Germany. A billion people alone watched the final. That is 1/6 the world’s population. The Rugby World Cup is the 3rd most watched event, after the Olympics. Furthermore, the attendance records for major finals in soccer and rugby annihilate those of the Stanley Cup Final. Average attendance at NHL games runs at 16 500. Average attendance at Super 14 rugby is 24 017. The UEFA Champions League, a soccer competition, gets almost 40 000 people per game. English Premier League brings in an average of 35 000 people. Even the NRL, the National Rugby League in Australia, brings in 17 500 per game. Most important are the Australian figures (Super 14 and NRL). Australia only has 20 million people. Canada has 30 million and the US 300 million for a total market of 330 million people. So 1:20 000 for the NHL, 1:832 and 1:1142 for the Super 14 and NRL respectively. For a sport in the states to have similar fan following to the Super 14 in Australia, the average attendance would have to be 360 000. Something is obviously lacking!

Ideas from across the pond

It seems I have been misplaced geographically. I live in a nation obsessed with ice hockey,a sport for which I have no particular affinity. I am a most avid fan of two sports somewhat foreign to North Americans, association football (soccer, a term which originates from a bastardized form of the word association) and rugby football. Funny enough, I extremely dislike American football. I digress. The only time of the year that I have any interest in hockey is playoff time. And this is where my story begins. At the beginning of every Stanley Cup run I analyze the stats from the regular season and, due to my entire lack of sporting intuition, I attempt to develop some sort of statistical algorithm that will allow me to predict the outcome of each series. I have been heretofore unsuccessful. This year, however, I am now 11 for 13, an 85% success rate. Not bad for a stats nerd. Anywho, given this newfound confidence in my sports knowledge, I feel entitled to provide the NHL with some tips for improvement based on ideas I have taken from my two favorite sports, rugby and soccer.

1. Relegation and Promotion

This system is in place in most major rugby and soccer competitions in Europe and elsewhere. Essentially, there are multiple levels of competition within each league. So, for example, in English soccer, there is the English Premier League, the top level of football in England. Below that is the League Championship. Every year, at the end of the competition, the three bottom placed teams in the EPL are relegated to the League Championship. The top 3 teams from the Championship are promoted to the EPL. This continues year after year. So, whereas in the NHL placing dead last has some benefits (top draft pick), placing in the lower ranks of these leagues means being relegated to a less prestigious competition that leads to lower TV ratings, lower fan turnouts, and inability to compete in the major continental competitions. If that sort of financial and emotional punishment were a risk in the NHL, the competition would improve. Maybe you could have the AHL be the lower tier league, or any member of the CHL (WHL, OHL, QMJHL). Now that would be interesting.

2. Bonus Points

This system is in place in the Super 14 rugby union competition between clubs in South Africa, New Zealand, and Australia. Essentially, the way it would work in the NHL is if teams scored more than, say, 4 goals, they would obtain 1 bonus point that would count toward their point total in the league table. You could also award a bonus point for a shutout, thus equally rewarding stellar defense AND stellar offense. Also, if the league wanted to crack down on penalties, they could award bonus points for a certain threshold of penalty minutes, etc., etc.

3. McIntyre Playoff System

This is in place in the National Rugby League in Australia that creates the NRL Grand Final, one of the most highly attended sporting events in the world. It creates fierce competition in the elimination playoffs while rewarding the hard work done over the long season, something that is often missing in the NHL. A team can work hard over 82 games to achieve top-standing in the conference, only to be wiped out in the first round. Here is how it would work, using the example of the current years standings from the Western Conference:

Round 1: Detroit vs. Calgary, Anaheim v. Minnesota, Vancouver v. Dallas, Nashville v. San Jose

As we all know, Detroit, Anaheim, Vancouver, & San Jose all went through. However, shouldn’t Nashville & Dallas’s hard work pay off at all? In the McIntyre system the next round would look as such.

Round 2: San Jose v. Dallas, Vancouver v. Nashville; Detroit and Anaheim get a by to the next round because they placed so high during the regular season, and Dallas and Nashville get a second chance because of their highest ranking among losing teams from the first round.

Round 3: Anaheim v. Winner of Van/Nash (probably NSH) and Detroit v. winner of San Jose/Dallas, probably San Jose.

Round 4: likely Anaheim/Detroit but, still, at least there was some more excitement.

Now, this system would add one extra round in the playoffs, but you could solve this by making the first round best of 5 instead of best of 7. Hockey drags on too long anyways.

4. Club Competitions

This is genius. In European rugby, for example, there are numerous union competitions. There is the Celtic League, known as the Magners League, competed by clubs in Scotland, Ireland, and Wales. The Guinness Premiership is in England, the Top 14 in France, and the Super 10 in Italy. Yeah you can win the Premiership and think you’re all that but how do you know if you could beat the top team in the Top 14? Along comes the Heineken Cup. Top placed teams from each season go on the next season to compete in the Heineken Cup, a competition that goes on alongside their other league games. So, theoretically, your team could win the Premiership one year and be the best team in England, and also win the Heineken Cup that year and be the best team in Europe. How would that feel? Why not have the boys in the NHL compete against club teams from Sweden, Norway, Czech Republic, etc.? Yeah, the Canadian men can beat the pants off any other team but can the Ottawa Senators (made up of players of multiple nationalities) defeat the Metallurg Magnitogorsk, the top ranked team in the Russian Super League, the second ranked professional hockey league in the world? Put your cards on the table and test your mettle.

Now, why should the NHL take seriously ideas from some non-North American sports like rugby and soccer? Well, they may not be popular in North America, but that is pretty much the only place. As we all know, the FIFA World Cup of soccer is the most watched sporting competition in the world. 26 billion people watched the 2006 version in Germany. A billion people alone watched the final. That is 1/6 the world’s population. The Rugby World Cup is the 3rd most watched event, after the Olympics. Furthermore, the attendance records for major finals in soccer and rugby annihilate those of the Stanley Cup Final. Average attendance at NHL games runs at 16 500. Average attendance at Super 14 rugby is 24 017. The UEFA Champions League, a soccer competition, gets almost 40 000 people per game. English Premier League brings in an average of 35 000 people. Even the NRL, the National Rugby League in Australia, brings in 17 500 per game. Most important are the Australian figures (Super 14 and NRL). Australia only has 20 million people. Canada has 30 million and the US 300 million for a total market of 330 million people. So 1:20 000 for the NHL, 1:832 and 1:1142 for the Super 14 and NRL respectively. For a sport in the states to have similar fan following to the Super 14 in Australia, the average attendance would have to be 360 000. Something is obviously lacking!